Monday, August 9, 2010
Dick Gregory - "I am really enjoying the new Martin Luther King Jr stamp - just....." Quote
"I am really enjoying the new Martin Luther King Jr stamp - just think about all those white bigots, licking the backside of a black man."
Dick Gregory - "And we love to dance, especially that....." Quote
"And we love to dance, especially that new one called the Civil War Twist. The Northern part of you stands still while the Southern part tries to secede."
Howie Mandel - "I was totally involved in Bobby's World from the....." Quote
"I was totally involved in Bobby's World from the time we started the idea to sitting with the artists on how he would look, to the script meetings, the music, the lyrics, the songs."
Howie Mandel - "Everything runs its course. We had told a....." Quote
"Everything runs its course. We had told a lot of stories that happened in our life. My kid was getting older, and we were running out of stories to tell."
Drew Carey - "Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's....." Quote
"Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face."
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Drew Carey - ""As far as your personal goals are and what you actually want to....." Quote
"As far as your personal goals are and what you actually want to do with your life, it should never have to do with the government. You should never depend on the government for your retirement, your financial security, for anything."
David Cross - "As for Tenacious D, of course it could work as a....." Quote
"As for Tenacious D, of course it could work as a full length movie; all it requires is a great writer and great director with an ability to think outside of conventional film comedy."
Andrew Dice Clay - “There was a coolness about him,....."
“There was a coolness about him, ... He used to wear these sunglasses and these shirts that had pictures of cigars on them. He was the Tony Soprano of Mexicans.”
Andrew Dice Clay - “I don't drink to get happy or to forget the....." Quote
“I don't drink to get happy or to forget the pain. I drink to stop the voices in my head. Do you know what's so bad about them, they stutter. Ddddddave... Kkkkkkikikill your papapapapaparents!!”
Joey Bishop - "Today you can go to a gas station and find the....." Quote
"Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money."
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Janeane Garofalo - "I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of....." Quote
"I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth."
Janeane Garofalo - "I actually was class clown, but I don't....." Quote
"I actually was class clown, but I don't know how that happened because I've never been considered an outwardly funny person-as the people in this room will attest."
Janeane Garofalo - "I can do most anything and not have a problem with....." Quote
"I can do most anything and not have a problem with it. The only time I have negative attention is when I run naked through the streets brandishing a handgun."
Janeane Garofalo - "When Communist U.S.S.R. was a superpower, the world was....." Quote
"When Communist U.S.S.R. was a superpower, the world was better off. The right-wing media is trying to marginalize the peace movement."
Ricky Gervais - “Pol Pot - he rounded up anybody he thought was....." Quote
“Pol Pot - he rounded up anybody he thought was intellectual and had them executed. And how he told someone was intellectual or not was whether they wore glasses. If they're that clever, take them off when they see him coming!”
Monday, August 2, 2010
Emo Philips - "I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said....." Quotes
I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Rodney Dangerfield - "I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day ....." Quote
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
Bob Hope - "I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform....." Quote
I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.
George Carlin - "Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud....." Quote
"Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.”
George Carlin - "So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my....." Quote
"So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” Anyone who can’t go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker. It’s a simple philosophy, but it’s always worked in our family."
George Carlin - "Have you noticed that most of the women who are....." Quote
"Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place? There’s such balance in nature."
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