George Carlin - "One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you’re too tired." Quote

George Carlin - "I’ve never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade." Quote

George Carlin - "God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile." Quote

George Carlin - "Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr." Quote

George Carlin - # "Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter." Quote

George Carlin - "I love and treasure individuals as I meet them; I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to." Quote

George Carlin - "Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud....." Quote

"Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.”

George Carlin - "Catholic — which I was until I reached the age of reason." Quote

George Carlin - "So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my....." Quote

"So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” Anyone who can’t go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker. It’s a simple philosophy, but it’s always worked in our family."

George Carlin - "Have you noticed that most of the women who are....." Quote

"Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place? There’s such balance in nature."

George Carlin - "I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood." Quote

George Carlin - "I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don’t trust any organization that has a handbook." Quote

George Carlin - "I never fucked a ten, but one night, I fucked five twos." Quote

George Carlin - "Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it." Quote

George Carlin - "When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front-row seat." Quote

George Carlin - "I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately." Quote

George Carlin - "I don’t like to think of laws as rules you have to follow, but more as suggestions." Quote

George Carlin - "Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?" Quote

George Carlin - "Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?" Quote

"By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth."-George Carlin Quote