Mitch Hedberg - " I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle. " Quotes

Mitch Hedberg - "I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring. " Quote

Mitch Hedberg - "Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults. " Quote

Mitch Hedberg - " Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.' " Quote

Mitch Hedberg - "Every book is a children's book if the kid can read! " Quote

Mitch Hedberg - "Dogs are forever in the push up postion." Quote

Mich Hedberg - "Do you think I am standing here, making this up as....." Quote

"Do you think I am standing here, making this up as I go? I am sorry to disillusion you. I am not Robin Williams. I am the king of the pen."

Mitch Hedberg - "Bologna is a deli meat for people with eyes. " Quote

Mitch Hedberg - "An escalator can never break:........"Quote

"An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."

Mitch Hedberg - All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me. " Quote

Mitch Hedberg - "A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap." Quote

Mitch Hedberg - "A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer." Quote

"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!" - Mitch Hedberg Quote

"I used to do drugs. I still do, but i used to too" - Mitch Hedberg Quote